It's June and for WWE that means a half-assed attempt at a Hell in a Cell PPV!
Seriously, they've announced six matches for this show, all of them from the RAW side of things. Refreshingly though, only one is a HIAC match and it's the blowoff to a two-month feud. Also on the bright side, Finn Balor and Mustafa Ali actually get to be on a PPV. Throw in Nakamura and Ricochet and you'd have something. To be fair, this lineup is pretty solid. Once again it's about two-thirds of a good show on paper. Let's take a look....
Kevin Owens vs. Ezekiel
What a fucking pointless feud this is. Imagine taking a guy who main evented Night 1 of WrestleMania against a returning megastar like Steve Austin, and following that up by feuding him with Elias pretending to be Elias's brother. Jesus H. Christ. And stupidly, Owens likely has to job to this toolbag. Elias was never very good in the ring so I don't see this match being much at all. It's a shame, because they could book the match to last exactly 25 minutes and 17 seconds. Ya know, Ezekiel 25:17? Anyone?
Pick: Ezekiel
Bobby Lashley vs. Omos & MVP
I cannot believe this feud has gotten three goddamn PPV matches. Stop trying to make fetch happen with Omos. Just stop. Mercifully this should be the end of the feud and Lashley should win, but Jesus, what a nothing feud.
Pick: Lashley
US Championship: Austin Theory vs. Mustafa Ali
Yeah, I refuse to call this kid "Theory." This practice of removing first names is so beyond stupid I can't even wrap my brain around it. "We can't call him Austin because people will confuse him with Steve Austin." Are you people ALL having a stroke? Do you actually think we're so stupid we'd somehow conflate this 26-year-old pretty boy with Stone Cold? Better remove Orton's first name too, lest we confuse him with Randy Savage. God, this company's embarrassing. Anywho, nice to see the US Title actually defended on a PPV. Maybe someday the Intercontinental Champion will get to do the same. Why does that belt even exist at this point?
Pick: AUSTIN Theory retains
Edge, Damian Priest & Rhea Ripley vs. AJ Styles, Finn Balor & Liv Morgan
I liked the teaming of Edge, Priest and Ripley. I don't however like the gimmick. It's fuckin' goofy and Malakai Black does it much better. That said, this bout is exploding with talent and could steal the show if given time. The babyfaces have basically no chance of winning but it should be fun to watch.
Pick: Judgement Day
RAW Women's Championship: Bianca Belair vs. Asuka vs. Becky Lynch
Nice to finally see Asuka back in action, she was sorely missed for the better part of a year. This one should be pretty damn good with the talent involved. Bianca and Becky stole WrestleMania, and Asuka is maybe the best women's wrestler out there. Give this one twenty minutes and let 'em fly. I don't see Bianca losing yet.
Pick: Bianca retains
Hell in a Cell: Cody Rhodes vs. Seth Rollins
Welp, it's a rare thing for WWE to have one guy sweep a feud, but I think that's what we'll see here. Cody and Seth work well together and it would be great to let Cody reintroduce blading into WWE's sterile product. If anyone should get the chance to do that it's Dusty's son, who had some great bloodbath-type matches in AEW. If the "producers" get out of the way, this could be one of the better Cell matches in recent memory.
Pick: Cody makes it a hat trick
I'm sure they'll add some Smackdown matches to this show tonight, and if so perhaps I'll update this piece tomorrow. Fuck's sake WWE, put together a card ahead of time. It's called planning.
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